Wild Deuces, Tiggy is answering three letters this bi-week because she’s feeling quick and dirty. She’s ruthlessly doling out the tough love, so brace yourselves. This ain’t gonna be pretty.
Hey Tiggy,
I’ve been with a particular man for several years now. Deeply in love, we seem to have faded off into a relationship that used to be VERY unhealthy, but has been gradually getting better, though it’s taken almost two years.
The problem now is that I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m strongly attracted to women. I’m bisexual but I find women more attractive physically. I’ve wanted to have a physical relationship with a woman for a while now, but my other half isn’t open to the idea of bringing another female into the bedroom for a night. I’m hoping these feelings don’t disrupt our relationship, but it’s hard to confine them, and mentioning this would be a death warrant. What to do?
Crossing my fingers with all the luck and hope in the world…
-Crossroads
This previously VERY unhealthy (emphasis yours) relationship has been only gradually improving over two years, you don’t want your feelings to disrupt your relationship (read that over a few times to see what’s wrong there), you’re under the impression that expressing your desires to your boyfriend would be –- your words –- “a death warrant,” and you’re putting all your chips on luck and hope.
Doesn’t it seem like you shouldn’t have to work this hard for a partnership to function? Shouldn’t you have more keeping the two of you together than fear and emotional sunk costs? Crossroads, isn’t it over?
Dear Tiggy,
I’m a 22-year-old female who has always identified as hetero. Over the past few years, however, I’ve enjoyed masturbating to threesome girl-on-girl porn. I am also interested in sleeping with a woman or having a threesome.
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend, whom I love and am extremely passionate about for four years. I’m really happy in this relationship and I’ve told him about my female fantasies. We’ve agreed to have a threesome, but haven’t found the right girl yet. Who knew it would be so hard?
A little over a month ago, we started talking about marriage. Since then, I’ve been feeling more anxious about my sexuality and fantasies. Though I’ve never actually met a woman I’d like to be with and I’ve never experienced with a woman the same pang of desire that I get when I meet a man I’m attracted to, I’m worried that someday I’m going to wake up married to my awesome man and realize that I want to be with women. Is this crazy? I realize that I want to do this threesome to experience a fun adventure with my boyfriend, but also to explore my sexuality and figure out if there’s more to my fantasies than just sex.
Is it possible to explore same-sex urges while remaining in a committed heterosexual relationship? Am I just scared to get married or is there more to these fantasies that I need to address?
-Bewildered
You’re not ready to get married. Your brain is manically, desperately spelling this out to you in semaphore. Address that with your partner first, and the threesome quandary will sort itself out.
Dear Tiggy,
I had a dream that I made out with a girl and we had a secret relationship. Then I woke up and realized that I enjoyed the dream. Does that make me a bisexual?
-Kelly
No. I’m sorry. Keep trying.
© 2012 Tiggy Upland. Tiggy Upland reserves the right to use all submitted queries anonymously, in any medium.