Dear Tiggy,
I have almost always liked boys up until this point. I felt some interest in girls before, but I thought it was just curiosity, or just normal for any straight girl. But recently I have fallen — hard — for a girl I know. The hardest part about this is the fact that I and my family are (non-denominational) Christian. I still believe in God, but I don’t know how to reconcile my possible bisexuality and my faith.
-First Timer in NC
First Timer, I could tell you that the Bible is up to interpretation, and that the church leaders who interpret it are simple humans with their own agendas. I could argue that only Biblical scholars who read the book in its original language can even come close to understanding it. I could explain, as this book does, that queerness as we know it is a modern concept, which is why there is literally no mention of it in the Bible.
But I suspect that you’re not really afraid of going to hell. I think you’re afraid of your Christian family rejecting you.
If you want to prepare to dismantle your family’s arguments against bisexuality, you can read Hate Thy Neighbor by Linda J. Patterson. But be forewarned: perspectives not based in logic are typically not swayed by logic. The good news (well, besides the Good News — heh) is that beliefs borne of emotion are most vulnerable to change from emotion, including your family’s love for you. Only a month ago, Ohio Senator Rob Portman announced that he now supports equal marriage because he discovered that his son is gay. Perhaps your family will decide as he did: “Ultimately, it came down to the Bible’s overarching themes of love and compassion and my belief that we are all children of God.”
The president of Dignity, a Boston-based support group for LGBT Catholics, recommends The Good Book by Peter J. Gomes for reconciling Christian faith and being queer. He also suggests building a support network for yourself as you come to terms with your sexuality; Metropolitan Community Churches are a good place to start.
I sense that you’re young, perhaps beginning to learn that adults are just people, complete with flaws and irrationality. This realization can be disappointing but I hope it also motivates you to reach a greater level of self-conduct. It’s not as easy as growing up and not hating queer people (although that’s nice). A true departure from a fearful and ignorant mindset is becoming an intellectually curious adult, one who is not afraid to admit that she doesn’t know something, like what God feels about certain issues or what happens after we die. I hope you aspire to be someone who isn’t threatened by the idea that she might be wrong, and won’t feel like the bottom dropped out of her world if it turns out she is. It is, of course, entirely possible to achieve this while following Christianity, so don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
© 2013 Tiggy Upland. Tiggy Upland reserves the right to use all submitted queries anonymously, in any medium.