Wild Deuces, you won’t believe it: someone did my job for me this bi-week! Read on while I fix myself a shot of elixir and kick my Irregular Choices up onto the ottoman.
Dear Tiggy,
How can you really know that you’re bisexual? I’m 16 and female and, at the moment, I’m honestly confused as hell.
This happened really suddenly. In fact, last week I wasn’t even questioning my sexuality. I thought I was more or less straight. I had my doubts here and there but then, BAM, I suddenly felt sexually attracted to girls. It wasn’t a gradual attraction, it was as abrupt as they come. And when I say attraction, I mean already thinking about sex, dating, marriage, adoption, the whole shebang.
I’m not at all upset with what I’m feeling. I had an uncle who was gay and I’m extremely close to my godfather and his husband. It’s safe to say that I live in an incredibly supportive environment and acceptance on my mother’s part isn’t anything I’m worried about. I’m just incredibly confused as to what my feelings are telling me.
Am I straight and is my brain somehow “experimenting” with my sexuality or could I be, in fact, bisexual? At some point this week, I’d already suspected that I am bi but there’s always a nagging doubt in the back of my head.
-Cadmium
I set about with an answer, when what to my wondering eyes should appear but Cadmium’s answer from between her own ears…
Dear Tiggy,
Hi. Uh, this is awkward. I actually just wanted to tell you that I did realize that I am bisexual.
I was reading your previous replies to people’s questions, and one of your previous answers was right: no one else can tell me what orientation I am. I actually came out to my mother a couple of weeks ago, and what was surprising was that she already knew. Apparently trying to find the R-rated French films she hid last year had given it away. She was happy – actually, really happy – that I had summoned up the nerve to tell her.
I just wanted to say that you don’t need to answer the question I submitted a few weeks back. I’m recommending your column to a friend that needs it at the moment. Thanks, Tiggy!
-Cadmium
Splendid. What have we learned here?
1.) If I wait long enough, you’ll answer your own questions. Not only will this free up my schedule, but incidentally, I think I’ve stumbled upon the philosophy behind Comcast’s customer service.
This is a thrill. I feel like I’ve potty-trained you, Deuces.
2.) Peruse the old columns or do a search (in the search bar on the right. No, not there, under my face. Yes, that’s it) on your queer query to see if I’ve already answered it. Don’t make me repeat myself and more importantly, I shouldn’t have to repeat myself.
3.) Tell your friends to read up on Tiggy and the rest of the BRC site. How will they ever realize what infectious, good-sex-us, silver Lexus, git-outta-Texas bisexuals they are if you don’t point them in the right direction?
4.) If you want to stay in the closet, that’s fine, but then don’t run around asking where your pile of R-rated French flicks went. You might as well drape yourself in a pink, blue, and purple flag with a headshot of Robyn Ochs taped to your face.
“People? People, I have an announcement! I cannot seem to find my well-worn Amelie DVD. Does anyone know where it is?”
“Oh, real subtle, Howard. We get it, you’re bisexual, Jesus.”
© 2013 Tiggy Upland. Tiggy Upland reserves the right to use all submitted queries anonymously, in any medium.