Dear Wild Deuces,
It occurs to Tiggy that there is a lot of bad advice out there, confusing the lot of us and putting a wrench in our interpersonal relations, bisexual or otherwise. From antiquated myths to advisors with the occasional blind spot, there’s no lack of sources for these counterproductive ideas and it’s tough not to adopt those that we’ve heard over and over.
So I thought that instead of answering questions on this Tuesday, I’d instead squash some of the worst offenders in one fell swoop. Won’t that be cathartic? Here goes…
Intimacy cannot be measured in time. Relationships cannot be judged by length.
Perhaps not having had a long-term relationship is an indicator that there’s something holding you back. Perhaps it’s an indicator that you exit unhealthy relationships at the right time. Either is as likely as the other.
There’s a difference between privacy and shame.
If all of your friends have met someone (or many someones) and you haven’t, the most likely reason is that while there’s a lot of what they’re looking for, there’s comparably less of what you’re looking for.
Just because someone doesn’t date or have sex – with a specific kind of person or at all – doesn’t mean they don’t want to.
Problematic dating behavior doesn’t necessarily stem from past trauma.
There are circumstances when it’s OK to break up with someone over the phone.
You can end a relationship for virtually any reason. You do not lose your right to do so because the person in question has not hurt you.
Dating online is not for losers, nor does it indicate a participants’ mindset of ordering off a menu.
You will grow out of dating obnoxious people with whom it will never work. You will be attracted to other kinds of people.
Opposites might attract but they generally don’t get along.
There is no such thing as being “too picky.” If you wanted to be partnered more than you wanted to be happy, you’d settle.
Losing your virginity (which is a worthless construct anyway) beyond the drinking age is not at all uncommon and it’s not a reflection of your value as a lover, partner, or even eye-candy.
One of the best things about same-sex dating and relationships is that you aren’t bound to the bizarre social conventions and gendered behavior guidelines of opposite-sex dating. That said, you still need to treat your romantic counterpart as such, and not as casually as a friend.
© 2011 Tiggy Upland. Tiggy Upland reserves the right to use all submitted queries anonymously, in any medium.