March 31, 2015

On this last day of Bi Health Awareness Month, please take one last look at the information provided by the Bisexual Resource Center on mental health for bis. Learn how we’re vulnerable and what we can do to help ourselves. Our health matters, too! Here’s a letter to Tiggy on the topic…

Dear Tiggy,

I was sexually/physically/verbally abused as a kid. As I got older, I came to the conclusion that I was bisexual. However, my therapist and others have all told me that my bisexuality was a result of trauma and that I’m not actually bisexual.

I had a really hard time coming to terms with my sexuality, but when I’m in an accepting environment, I’m okay with it. Has anyone else been told this too? Most people will not even talk to me about this. I just wanted to know whether there are others like me at all.

-Maggie

Other queer people who have experienced abuse have been subject to inaccurate and ignorant theories connecting the two attributes. You are not alone, and I’m sorry that you have to put up with that treatment.

“Good for her for knowing who she is! Rock on!” That’s Peter Ruggiero’s reaction to the tenor of your letter. Peter serves/d on the board of the Bisexual Resource Center and BiNet, the two largest bi organizations in the States. He also works on behalf of male sexual assault ­­­­­­­­­­­­survivors, and is a survivor himself. Although your signature indicates that you are female, much of Peter’s knowledge of the psychology and sociology surrounding sexual abuse is relevant to survivors of any gender.

This is his take on why people are reacting to your sexual identity as they have: “When a survivor comes out with confidence, it knocks people off their pins. In this case, it’s the biphobia combined with people who are not sure of their own sexuality and related issues. Trauma plus religion can sometimes prompt this reaction as well. Maggie is coming at this with so much confidence that it’s jarring the people she’s talking to.”

I can only think of two reasons for why some people believe that your bisexuality is prompted by the abuse you faced…

HYPOTHESIS #1: Sexual trauma can shift someone’s sexual orientation.

This is such utter nonsense that I cannot take it seriously as a legitimate proposal. Pandora’s Project, a website for sexual assault and abuse survivors, addresses the matter aptly here.

It’s virtually impossible to prove a negative — i.e. “No environmental stimuli can shift your sexual orientation” — but there has been absolutely no indication, much less evidence, that it is possible or has ever happened. In my opinion, any counselor who actually believes this hypothesis should be barred from conducting a therapeutic practice.

Peter concurs: “There are old wives’ (and husbands’? Spouses’?) tales that abuse will make you this or that. There’s not a lot of precision to these accusations. I assure you, there is nothing scientific on which to base any presumption that sexual trauma will make you straight, gay, bi, or anything else.”

HYPOTHESIS #2: Having sex with people of different genders may be part of “acting out” subsequent to experiencing sexual trauma.

This could be what your therapist is claiming. Let’s take a look at common reasons behind post-trauma sexual acting out:

  • You assert your sexual behavior in a manner that allows you to be in control, counteracting the feeling of helplessness from your trauma. Sexual orientation has no bearing on this.
  • You’re a straight male who was sexually abused by a male and you’re afraid that it means you’re gay. You have sex with women to prove to yourself that you are straight. This does not translate to other genders or sexualities because our society only values hetero masculinity. In other words, you have no reason to want to prove that you are bisexual.
  • You search for a high to distract from the pain caused by trauma. The dopamine hit or distraction you might gain from sex is irrespective of the gender of your partner.
  • You engage in reckless sex because the trauma has made you feel worthless. You can have risky or safe sex with any gender.
  • You don’t understand that the abuse you suffered is not normal or healthy. Clearly, this is not your problem but even if it were, it has nothing to do with sexual orientation.
  • You’re trying to recreate what happened on some level but “correct” the ending. The idea that this would prompt bisexuality for you presupposes that your abuser was female. (So if he wasn’t, this is moot.)
    • That last possibility was the only one whose invalidity I wasn’t 100% sure about. Luckily, Peter set me straight. “If you’re acting out, you’re acting out, period,” he says. “The gender of the person with whom you’re acting is not particularly germane; it’s the act of acting out.”

      Notice, too, that these theories only operate off of sexual abuse (not otherwise physical or verbal) and assume active sexual behavior (when perhaps you haven’t done that yet). The logic behind the suppositions others are making on your sexuality just doesn’t check out.

      Peter says, “There’s a lot of fear out there, and it combines with bi/homophobia in our culture. If your therapist is trying to convince you of your sexuality and you know she’s wrong, then her qualifications come into question. This therapist is not treating bisexuality as a legitimate sexuality; she is treating it as a way to be extra slutty. It’s just some old-fashioned biphobia.”

      Agreed, bi brother. From where I stand, Maggie, the most important factor in all this is that you seem perfectly comfortable with your sexuality. Ergo, I can’t see that anyone has the right or reason to pathologize it.

      Being bi is not a mental health problem.

      © 2015 Tiggy Upland. Tiggy Upland reserves the right to use all submitted queries anonymously, in any medium.

March 24, 2015

Deuces, I thought you would like to see this update on a letter about dating from a genderqueer perspective. But it’s not from the letter writer; it’s from their boyfriend. Zounds! Read on!

I do not have a question (yet?) but wanted to write as a follow up to the message “Tops Up” wrote to you in August 2013.

We have been together now for well over a year. Neither of us foresaw the other as being the partner we would end up with — for me because of my past experience with those who identified as bisexual (Tops Up’s identification when we met), and for Tops Up because of her reluctance to be with someone straight.

In interest of fairness to me, Tops Up did tell me their identity a few weeks after writing you. They weren’t completely surprised by my reaction, but were reassured that they made the right choice in telling me. While there were still some questions I had about what it meant, as well as what it meant for us as a couple, since then we have been more easily able to discuss these issues. One aspect I find fun is that we have the same taste in women. Aspects that have made it easier — and I was reassured by your response to Kris (March 3, 2015) — is that the sexual aspect has not been a part of our relationship. Tops Up and I both have our reasons for this.

After some time of dating Tops Up, I realized why it was easy for me to handle how they identify: I came to realize I am nearly completely gender blind. Its hard to describe but when I realized this and told them, it was almost an “a-ha moment,” at least for me.

I thought you would appreciate a follow up to one of the questions sent to you, especially since it has a happy ending so far. There are straight people who are comfortable being in a long term relationship with those who aren’t — and as Tops Up says to me regularly, I am not the typical straight male.

-M

Not typical but truly terrific. Thank you for sharing this update, M. A happy ending is just what we need as spring bursts forth! Deuces, we’re back on schedule next week with an all-new question on bisexual mental health.

© 2015 Tiggy Upland. Tiggy Upland reserves the right to use all submitted queries anonymously, in any medium.

March 3, 2015

Wild Deuces, March is Bisexual Health Awareness Month! The BRC is focusing on mental health so I hope this column helps to get bisexual brains churning about bisexual brains.

Please send your mental health questions to Tiggy at tiggyupland (at) gmail (dot) com or via Tiggy’s queer query portal so we can work through it together.

Dear Tiggy,

For the past two years, after 25 years of believing myself straight and having heterosexual relationships, I’ve been struggling with realizing, accepting, and living with my bisexuality. I wouldn’t mind being gay but the duality of bisexuality seems to be driving me insane. I find that no matter whom I talk to socially, I’m constantly worrying and assessing my feeling and intentions towards that person regardless of gender.

I’m not one to sleep around and I would like pursue a long term relationship with someone but I’m in constant fear that if I have a heterosexual relationship in the end I’ll find out I’m actually gay and in denial, and if I have a homosexual relationship I’ll find out I’m straight just with gay fantasies. I don’t want to break someone’s heart over not understanding my orientation or be constantly questioning if I’m with the right person due to their gender. These days, I don’t know what feelings or thoughts are genuine and I seem to be repeatedly anxious. The appeal of a gay or straight relationship alternates day by day, hour by hour.

Again, I wouldn’t mind being gay but the duality of bisexuality seems to be driving me mad. Do you have any advice?

-Kris

Kris, the beauty of bisexuality is that it gives you space. It provides all the room you need for your dynamic desires. You can like one gender significantly more than others, you can end up never having sex with people of one/most/any of the gender(s), you can have a bunch of relationships with folks of a certain gender and then change it up and have a bunch with peeps of another — doesn’t matter, the bisexual label still fits. It is the ultimate sexuality for anyone who expects the unexpected and doesn’t rule out change.

Ironically, it sounds like bisexuality is making you feel in limbo, which is generally known as an in-between no-man’s-land that prevents you from acting at all. Instead of giving you the freedom to be whatever you are, limbo is characterized by uncertainty and paralysis. It’s the Middle Ages’ definition of purgatory and often seen as a waiting station between your place of origin and your destination.

But bisexuality is a destination. In fact, it is a location where more people drop their suitcases and yell, “I’m home!” than homosexuality. We have a culture and a community all our own, ready to support you in your relationships and assure you that we feel the same way you do. I can tell you with certainty that the paralysis you feel — i.e. your reluctance to have relationships until your sexual identity is completely sorted out — is entirely of your own making. You have the power to embrace your bisexuality and sally forth with romantic and sexual engagements; often the best way out of indecisiveness is to simply commit to an option and advance.

And yet, it is known in psychology circles that being in long-term limbo often leads to anxiety and depression. In some ways, it’s considered as emotionally dangerous as hitting rock bottom. In addition to potentially resulting in anxiety, I believe your limbo might also be caused by anxiety. As much as I can determine from a letter, I don’t think you have Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder like some of the folks in this column do, but I suspect that you are experiencing anxiety in the form of perfectionism which is related to obsessive compulsive behaviors. (When you click on that link, be sure to read the comment from the bisexual who obsesses that they’re not bisexual. A kindred spirit!)

Your fear of hurting someone you’re dating due to being wrong about your sexuality indicates a high level of empathy and kindness, but it could also point to a desire for perfect conditions before proceeding. Sure, you might break some eggs in your relationship omelets, but we all assume that risk in love. I sense that your sexuality is simply a convenient hook for your anxiety to hang its hat on. After all, you can realize what you have is not what you want in any relationship.

I got that hat metaphor from Joseph J. Luciani’s book, Self Coaching. That and Feeling Good by David Burns are two fantastic reads on cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) that I highly recommend for you to address your anxiety and possible perfectionism. Even better than books is working with a therapist who practices CBT. The goal is to change your perspective on being in limbo because, really, it can be quite terrific.

In this moving blog post, Dr. Noelle Stern compares the in-between space of writer’s block to scientific chaos, as it appears to be wild disorder but in actuality is part of a grand plan that relies on that disorder to flourish into something incredible. Such phenomena can only happen in an open system which “maintain[s] a state of non-equilibrium, keeping the system off balance so that it can change and grow.” Kris, if you were to be open to the middle sexualities, well…just think of the possibilities!

Before I leave you, did you know that the limbo — meaning the dance under the stick — originated in Trinidad among African slaves? Supposedly, it represents life’s increasing challenges as the bar gets lower, and the human spirit triumphing over death as a dancer pulls his body beneath the stick. As ever, life goes on, even in limbo.

Developing a passion for the in-between…

How low can you go?

© 2015 Tiggy Upland. Tiggy Upland reserves the right to use all submitted queries anonymously, in any medium.